Today’s best chuckle, over at the McSweeney’s site: McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: My Beard, Reviewed.
Month: April 2003
After turning it in a
After turning it in a week ago, the Valley Voice have finally printed my review of The Nederlands Dans Theater II. Check it out. I did.
Wife-Subduing Air Raid
Reuters | Wife-Subduing Air Raid Siren Confiscated
Mon April 21, 2003 08:35 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) – A 73-year-old man who used an air raid siren to stun his wife into submission has had it confiscated by German police.
“My wife never lets me get a word in edgeways,” the man identified as Vladimir R. told Mannheim police. “So I crank up the siren and let it rip for a few minutes. It works every time. Afterwards, it’s real quiet again.”
A police spokesman said neighbors had complained at the noise from the 220-volt rooftop device, believed to be an old-fashioned air raid siren.
Rosina, Vladimir’s wife of 32 years, said she sometimes had to yell to get his attention. “My husband is a stubborn mule so I have to get loud.”
Yes.
Yes. (Sent in by Berry, my sister-in-law.)
Another great wacky Christian story!
Another great wacky Christian story!
Woman sues for religious harassment
April 16, 2003
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — A woman with bipolar disorder is suing her former boss for religious harassment, claiming he blamed her disorder on unconfessed sins and fired her because it was “God’s will.”
Michelle Subwick, 35, filed the lawsuit Tuesday in Palm Beach Circuit Court against Mark Kielar, president of WJMK Television Productions. She is asking for back pay, damages and attorney fees.
Kielar in a statement Wednesday denied the claims.
Subwick, who is a Christian, claims Kielar told her disorder resulted from Satan infiltrating her life. He advised her to pray daily with him, but she was fired when she stopped the sessions, the lawsuit claims.
Senator, is that you? I’ve
Senator, is that you?
I’ve had some disturbing search queries find my site in the last few days. Here are two:
“Man boy masturbate technique”
“my blog masturbated ass”
I don’t want to know what these Internet users look like.
DeWitt DeWatching
On the way home today, I stopped at a light behind a row of cars, and who should cross in front of me but Joyce DeWitt, i.e. Janet of Three’s Company. She’s 54 now, and she hopped out of a large SUV (brand new, no plates). I looked, thinking, is that really Joyce DeWitt? But after she gave me a look that said, sheepishly, “Yes, I am Joyce DeWitt, and I do drive a brand new SUV and wear a sort of pinkish track-suit thingy,” I knew it was her.
Thought you’d all like to know this. My friend Scott, upon hearing this news, reminded me of four years ago when I saw Gillian Anderson (“Scully”) in Borders. I’d forgotten all about that. True.
Short, Spicy Brunette
I got a bit behind on everything last night when I made the mistake of drinking two appletinis, and then with a friend who was over for a visit continuing with two “short spicy brunettes,” a concoction made of 1 shot vodka, 2 shots peppermint Schnapps, and 2 shots Baileys. Yes, they taste good. Yes, I got completely knotted. There went the evening. My friend fared much worse than me, drinking on an empty stomach. We blamed our condition and the puking that followed forthwith on Bush and the war, the sensible thing to do.
I spent today recovering and writing. More posts tomorrow when things return to normal.