James Wolcott: Feets, Do Ya Stuff

Wolcott’s commentary on the Coulter Pie Attack needs to be quoted in full.

James Wolcott: Feets, Do Ya Stuff
Ann Coulter may be a travesty of humanity, as unacceptable a hank of flesh draped on a hanger ever to be foisted upon an ignorant populace hungry for more ignorance. Her racism, her character slurs, her whirlwind talent for rewriting history, her ability to leave a glossy coat of slime on any issue she discusses (when she licks a stamp, it curls up and dies), these are condemnable.
But credit where credit is due. The skank can shift ass on a dime.
When a pair of hooligans tried to attack her with pies during a speaking appearance, an episode broadcast on cable news today, Coulter didn’t freeze like a deer in the headlights. She showed lightning reflexes, ducking away from the lectern and running backstage on high heels, which any woman will tell you is difficult to do. Because of her quick getaway, the flying pies wildly missed their target, sparing her a humiliating cream pie bukkake facial that would have made the papers and been downloaded millions of times on the internet.
Perhaps she was a dodgeball champion in school, or perhaps her nerves are so permanently on edge she can sense danger while the rest of us are in our usual fog. One can only conjecture. But I do know that if it had been Jonah Goldberg up there trying out new comedy material, he’d have been wearing dessert.


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